What is Compersion?

Compersion is commonly understood as sympathetic joy in non-monogamous relationships. It also includes a range of positive feelings, attitudes, and behaviors a person might experience towards their partner’s intimate connection(s) with somebody else. In a society that pedestalizes monogamous coupling and the nuclear family as ultimate measures of personal success, the concept of compersion is subversive. Its existence disrupts the assumption that jealousy is the only valid response to intimacy beyond a couple, which throws a wrench into mononormativity—the cultural script that elevates monogamy as the morally superior relationship structure. Looked at broadly, compersion is also about drawing the circle of care bigger, and creating relationships that center both freedom and interconnectedness.

What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships is the first-ever comprehensive book on compersion. Based on her seminal research, Dr. Marie Thouin offers a nuanced understanding of how compersion shows up for different folks, as well as a practical roadmap to cultivating it, in non-monogamy and beyond. In this intimate conversation between author Marie Thouin and veteran sex-positive community builder William Winters, attendees will be invited to reflect and participate with their own thoughts on the topic. Non-monogamists, monogamists, and polycurious folks alike are welcome!

Marie Thouin, PhD is a Dating & Relationship Coach and the author of "What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships," the first-ever comprehensive scholarly book on compersion. She has been featured in several publications and podcasts, including The New York Times, ELLE, the Savage Lovecast, The Times of London, and HuffPost. Marie has also published seminal research studies, the first encyclopedia entry on compersion, and is the creator of www.WhatIsCompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, blogs, and resources on the topic of compersion. In her coaching practice, she supports individuals of all backgrounds and orientations to create intentional, authentic, and vibrant love lives.

William Winters is the founder and co-organizer of Bonobo, an Oakland-based organization that builds community, connection, and capacity in the sex-positive and non-monogamous worlds. He has organized and facilitated conversations about polyamory and sex-positive culture in settings from living rooms to political conferences to Burning Man—which, along with his knack for bringing people together, led the San Francisco Chronicle to describe William in 2014 as the “de facto king of the East Bay polyamory scene.” William’s reflections on the ins and outs of non-monogamy have appeared in San Francisco Magazine, KQED’s Forum, the San Francisco Chronicle, and the New York Times. A campaign strategist by profession, culture nerd by avocation, and philosopher by major, William lives with his wife and cat in Oakland, CA.