We Wish We Knew That! "When Dying at Home is the Wish, But Not in the Plan

Pre-Dead Social Club

Most of us—when asked—say we’d like to die at home. Surrounded by comfort. Familiar faces, sounds, and smells.  And yet, most of us don’t.

Kittery Community Center

Most of us—when asked—say we’d like to die at home. Surrounded by comfort. Familiar faces, sounds, and smells. Maybe a pet at our feet. And yet, most of us don’t. Not because we changed our minds—but because we didn’t know how to make it happen. This roundtable is about that gap—the space between what we hope for and what actually happens. And why. We get it. This is uncharted territory. You’ve never died before. And while we’ve learned from those who’ve died before us, we each need to blaze a trail that reflects what matters most—to us, and to those we care for. What if patients, caregivers, and providers had a shared roadmap—something we could lean over and look at together? What if we stopped driving blindly toward the horizon, and instead paid attention to the turns, the off-ramps, the places to pause and prepare? We Wish We Knew That applies to everyone in the room.During this roundtable we will explore what gets in the way, what helps us move forward, and how we can each play a part in closing that gap—whether we’re doing the caring, the coordinating, or simply hoping for a more peaceful path.Who should attend? The “WE” in our title invites individuals with a stake in these conversations (now or in the future) including, but not limited to:<ul><li>Family caregivers—local or long-distance, current or anticipating</li><li>People living with serious illness or advancing age who want to better understand their choices</li><li>Primary care providers, hospice nurses, and social workers looking to bridge care gaps with more confidence and compassion</li><li>Senior center staff, faith leaders, and community advocates supporting end-of-life planning</li><li>Death Doulas and Care Managers</li><li>Anyone who’s said “I want to die at home,” or is supporting a loved one who has voiced that desire</li><li>Solo agers</li></ul>Let’s all lean into these conversations together with: Dr. Nicholas Coppins, originally from England, earning his undergraduate degree in Environmental Sciences from the University of East Anglia before completing medical school at the University of Nottingham in 2009. After training in Cambridgeshire and traveling the world—including a fateful stop in Australia where he met his wife—he completed his General Practice (Family Medicine) residency in Gloucestershire in 2016 and later practiced in London. Since 2019, Dr. Coppins has served the Seacoast community at Kittery Family Practice. He’s the first to admit that end-of-life care gets far too little attention in medical school—and culturally, many of us tend to avoid the subject altogether. He’s looking forward to this roundtable not just as a physician, but as a listener, learner, and advocate for clearer, kinder conversations around what matters most.Barbara Douglass, spent over 40 years as a physical therapist after graduating from the University of Vermont, working in acute care, home health, and her own aquatic therapy practice. She found her calling in skilled nursing and rehab, specializing in geriatrics for the last 19 years of her career before retiring in 2024. Now trained as a death doula and hospice volunteer, Barbara continues to support friends and family through health challenges and encourages anyone who will listen to make a plan—because you have choices.Her decades at the bedside give her a rare perspective: helping people regain function, and later, witnessing the various paths people take with the end of life in mind. She’s seen how goals evolve, how families struggle, and how peaceful exits take intention. These days, Barbara balances her passion for end-of-life readiness with the joy of living in the moment—often around a Mahjong table, in her kayak, or surrounded by her grandkids.Melissa Kennedy, RN, CHPN, WCC is a registered nurse certified in both hospice and palliative care (CHPN) as well as wound care (WCC), with over 15 years of experience in healthcare—13 of which have been devoted to end-of-life care. Currently working with Beth Israel Lahey Health at Home, she brings deep expertise across the full spectrum of hospice services, having served patients in acute care hospitals, hospice houses, nursing facilities, and private homes.Melissa is a passionate advocate for thoughtful end-of-life planning and open, honest conversations about dying—conversations she believes are happening far too late and far too infrequently. Her commitment is grounded in personal experience: she’s seen the unnecessary heartbreak that happens when plans fall apart or were never made in the first place.Melissa wants to normalize these vital discussions so that more people can face death with clarity and care. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband, two daughters, their cat, and a spirited flock of chickens. When she’s not nursing or nurturing, you’ll likely find her hiking, crocheting, gardening, or savoring the seacoast.Dannielle Haskell, is a former nonprofit director who spent years designing afterschool and summer programs for kids—and is now deep in a different kind of learning as a full-time parent to two young daughters in Southern Maine. Motherhood, she says, has given her more compassion, empathy, and perspective than any career ever could.In early 2024, when her aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, Dannielle stepped in without hesitation—becoming a steady caregiver and a communication bridge for out-of-town family. Her aunt chose quality of life over treatment, entering hospice just weeks later. Living at a hospice house for nearly a month gave Dannielle a profound window into the reality of dying—not just its heartbreak, but its potential for beauty, connection, and grace.She now hopes to be a voice for those standing beside a loved one at the end of life—especially those who didn’t expect to find themselves in that role. Hospice can be overwhelming, she says, but with guidance, families can show up in ways that support both their loved ones and themselves.Facilitated by:Laura Cleminson, is the Founder of the the Pre-Dead Social Club, an INELDA-trained death doula, hospice volunteer, and a member of the NH Health Care Decisions Coalition. She’s listened to concerns of healthy mortals, those with serious diagnosis and everything in between who have shared: “I don’t know how to start the conversation.” “I’m afraid my doctors and family will be needlessly ‘concerned’ if I bring up dying in general, let alone at home!” “Let’s just deal with it when it happens.”What sticks with her most is how much harder it is for everyone when wishes go unspoken—especially at the end. Laura believes that when care begins with clarity, the whole team—providers, family, and friends—can move with greater confidence and compassion. Recognizing that dying is already a fuzzy and often times complicated process—our wishes shouldn’t be a mystery or off-limits to discuss.You'll go home understanding (and with tools to SHARE):<ul><li>How to choose the right hospice for you or your loved one.</li><li>The power of discussing the illness roadmap—whether you’re a patient, a caregiver, or a medical provider. These maps help navigate the conversation.</li><li>How hospice is natural progression, not a failure. Not a last resort. But a supportive, holistic approach to care that honors comfort, dignity, and choice. We’ll demystify the process, understand eligibility, and know what services are actually available (and covered!).</li><li>Confidence to start the conversation today—whether you're in the doctor’s office, at a bedside, or across the kitchen table—walk away with the language, courage, and insight to begin.</li></ul>Bring your spouse, sibling, neighbor, friend, co-worker and pickle-ball rivals!Generously Sponsored by : Friends of Hyder Family Hospice House / <a href="https://www.hyderfamilyhospicehouse.org/" title="https://www.hyderfamilyhospicehouse.org/" target="_blank" data-msys-clicktrack="0" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">Hyder Family Hospice House. </a>