We all want to get our needs met, but manipulators use sneaky sinsiter techniques to get what they want. They know they are different then others and can not have the same type of relationships that others do so they have to use stradegy to get what they want from people (sex, money, investments, attention, validation, energy, etc.)

Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics. Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering, as if the person has your highest concern in mind, but in reality it’s to achieve an ulterior motive. Other times, it’s veiled hostility, and when it becomes abusive, the objective is merely power. You may not realize that you’re being intimidated.

If you grew up being manipulated, it’s harder to discern what’s going on, because it feels familiar. You override your instincts.

If you are codependent then you may have trouble being direct. This could make someone easy prey for being manipulated by narcissists, borderline personalities, sociopaths, and other codependents, including addicts.

Favorite weapons of manipulators are: guilt, complaining, comparing, lying, denying (including excuses and rationalizations), feigning ignorance, or innocence (the “Who me!?” defense), blame, bribery, undermining, mind games, assumptions, “foot-in-the-door,” reversals, emotional blackmail, evasiveness, forgetting, fake concern, sympathy, apologies, flattery, and gifts and favors.

Manipulators often use guilt by saying directly or through implication.

Some manipulators deny promises, agreements, or conversations, or start an argument and blame you for something you didn’t do to get sympathy and power. This approach can be used to break a date, promise, or agreement. Parents routinely manipulate with bribery – everything from, “Finish your dinner to get dessert,” to “No video games until your homework is done,” but this isn’t done with aggressive intent, but to encourage children to do the right thing. It’s far different if a narcissistic parent manipulates to belittle or undermine a child.

Emotional blackmail is abusive manipulation that may include the use of rage, intimidation, threats, shame, or guilt. Shaming you is a method to create self-doubt and make you feel insecure. It can even be couched in a compliment: “I’m surprised that you of all people you’d stoop to that!” A classic ploy is to frighten you with threats, anger, accusations, or dire warnings, such as, “At your age, you’ll never meet anyone else if you leave,” or “The grass isn’t any greener,” or playing the victim: “I’ll die without you.”

Blackmailers may also frighten you with anger, so you sacrifice your needs and wants. If that doesn’t work, they sometimes suddenly switch to a lighter mood. You’re so relieved that you’re willing to agree to whatever is asked. They might bring up something you feel guilty or ashamed about from the past as leverage to threaten or shame you, such as, “I’ll tell the children xyz if you do what I want.”

Victims of blackmailers with certain personality disorders, such as borderline or narcissistic PD, are prone to experience a psychological FOG, which stands for Fear, Obligation, and Guilt, an acronym created by Susan Forward. The victim is made to feel afraid to cross the manipulator, feels obligated to comply with his or her request, and feels too guilty not to do so. Shame and guilt can be used directly with put-downs or accusations that you’re “selfish” (the worse vice to many codependents) or that “You only think of yourself,” “You don’t care about me,” or that “You have it so easy.”

Learn how to decode their bad behavior, educating yourself empowers you to gain control over your own life and feelings.

This enables you to remove an element of shame knowing this person is a conartists who is intentionally misleading you which has no bearing on you as a person but a direct result of this persons manipulative nature.

Join Me, Nicole Bigelow a master at uncovering manipulation in relationships and learn to put a stop to manipulation in your life forever!

Put yourself in the power seat and stop out this type of cohersion from ever happening to you again!