Murray Bowen defined emotional cutoff as “the process of separation, isolation, withdrawal, running away, or denying the importance of the parental family.” He added this concept to Bowen Family Systems Theory after observing that it was common for family members to distance from one another and even to stop contact. It is a response to increasing emotional intensity as people encounter the difficulties of resolving their differences. It usually involves seeing the other as the problem, blaming and sometimes labeling them as narcissistic or “toxic.” For some young adults, cutoff may be seen as the only way to preserve self and gain independence. Parents are seen as the problem and getting away as the solution. Cutoff in one generation begets cutoff in the next, as children who grow up in more intense family emotional climates are likely to replicate the pattern as a way of managing relationship tensions. Over generations, emotional cutoff is costly to individuals and families.
This conference will focus on alternatives to emotional cutoff. With knowledge of the emotional process that sparks cutoff and motivation to work on one’s own part in it, cutoffs can be bridged, contact can be re-established, and people can reclaim to a significant extent the emotional connection that has been lost through cutoff. Study of one’s family and moving toward a more objective and systemic view are first steps. With an enlarged perspective, one begins to see cutoff as a product of the family emotional system and to see one’s own part in the reactive family patterns. Described by Bowen: “The study requires that the researcher begin to gain control over his emotional reactivity to his family…and that he develop the ability to become a more objective observer in his own family.” With this view, possibilities for change open up. It is a well-proven avenue for growth in one’s own maturity.
The morning will focus on the concept of emotional cutoff and its relation to the total of Bowen theory. CFC co-founding faculty member Stephanie Ferrera, MSW, will present an overview of family emotional process, followed by case studies from CFC faculty John Bell, M.Div, and Cecilia Guzman, MS, illustrating the creative ways they or their clients have reversed family cutoffs.
In the afternoon, we will watch the documentary Everything’s Kosher, a delightful story of how one family reconnected and resolved their differences. Faculty member Lisa Moss, MSW, will interview the film’s director and main character, Adam Fried, on this ongoing effort in his family. It is hoped that our audience will take home a host of creative ideas and a spirit of hopefulness regarding their own families.
