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What to Do for Valentine’s Day (When You Totally Hate Valentine’s Day)

By / January 9, 2019

Naked cupids, paper lace garlands, and red rose bouquets: Valentine’s Day can be cheesy AF. If cheap boxes of chocolates and heart-shaped cards just aren’t your thing, maybe burlesque shows and comedy nights fit the bill? Ditch the kitsch and head to one of NYC’s best alternative Valentine’s Day celebrations instead.

Cupid’s Undie Run

Stage 48

Help find a cure to neurofibromatosis while having a blast at this Valentine's Day-themed easy mile run, happening right in the middle of a huge, pantsless party.

$35 / RSVP

My Bloody Valentine Haunted Attraction

The Heistman’s Asylum

This isn't your typical Valentine's date. Wander through two floors of horrific love-themed scares at the number-one haunted attraction in Queens.

$15 - $40 / RSVP

Mortified: Valentine’s Day Special


Relive the angst, horror, and absolute cringe-worthiness of your youth at this special Valentine's Day presentation of Mortified, where your fellow New Yorkers read their childhood diaries out loud.

$12 / RSVP

Filthy Gorgeous Burlesque Valentines Spectacular

Highline Ballroom

Grab a drink and raise your glass to live music by Storm Marrero, performing alongside nearly a dozen barely clad beauties at this raunchy night of love-themed burlesque performances.

$30 - $60 / RSVP

Starchild & The New Romantic


Get down to the electric funk of Bryndon Cook, an alumnus of Solange Knowles' touring band with his own rad retro-futurist vibe, following opening acts Quiet Luke and Bathe.

$10 - $12 / RSVP

My Funny Valentine Comedy Showcase

Feb 14, 7:30 PM and 10:00 PM


Join some of America's best comics on Broadway for a night of comedy all about love (and the lack thereof).

$32 - $108 / RSVP
Burlesque Idol 2018

Wasabassco Valentine’s Night Burlesque

Feb 14, 7:30 PM and 11:00 PM

City Winery

Get up close and personal with NYC's "most legendary burlesque troupe" at this scandalous, sexy, and sensational night of performances, hosted at City Winery's intimate Loft space.

$22 - $35 / RSVP
King Gong - Best Open Mic Nights London

Valentine’s Comedy Show with The Gotham All-Stars

Gotham Comedy Club

Get ready to laugh at this special V-day-themed, R-rated night of comedy, with a free open bar for VIP ticket splurgers.

$20 - $210 / RSVP
   Tinder Live

Tinder Live with Lane Moore


Swipe in real time with comedienne Lane Moore at this live, crowd-fueled exercise in modern matchmaking, where side-splitting laughter is practically guaranteed.

$15 / RSVP

Nude Art Scavenger Hunt

Metropolitan Museum of Art

Go searching for nudes at the Met, where you'll make new friends and learn the various subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways nudity has been depicted throughout history at the same time.

$33 - $44 / RSVP

Dances of Vice’s Heartbreak Hotel Ball


Surround yourself with the smoky neon romance of the Jazz Age at this noir-tinged night of drinks and dancing, featuring a peepshow cabaret, VIP BDSM suite, and more.

$60 - $575 / RSVP

Galentine’s Day Linoleum Printing Workshop

92nd St Y

For this year's celebration of female friendship, gather your pals and learn to carve your own linoleum blocks for handmade, vintage-style printed cards.

$75 / RSVP


Quinne Myers is a writer, illustrator, apparel designer, and lingerie industry pundit living in Brooklyn. Loves sweaty concert dancing, eating dessert, feeling feelings, and petting every dog.

More articles by Quinne Myers



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