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9 Life-Saving Hangover Cures You’ll Be Pissed You Didn’t Know Sooner

Had a few too many last night? Join the club. Here are a few weird yet effective hangover cures.

By / December 28, 2016
   
   

Oh, hangovers. The headaches, the shakes, the shits, the nausea, the exhaustion, and of course, the unforgiving shame spirals. WOOF.

OK, now that we’ve gotten all the problems out of our system, let’s seek the solution to the age-old question: Is there a hangover cure?

Some people will tell you that the only way to ensure no hangover is not to drink at all. (OK…not the question.) Or that we should “Try drinking moderately for once” as they chide us like children, as if we have this thing they call self-control, as though we masochistically must LIKE feeling like shit.

You know what? Screw those people. Seriously. They’re no fun and probably have ZERO friends up there on their high horse anyway.

The fact is, once in awhile, you’re gonna drink too much. You’re gonna cut loose and go a little nuts. And then the next day you’re gonna feel like poop.

We’re here to help you get through those hard times with a few hangover cures that actually work. And while none of them will have you back to 100%, they sure as hell will prevent you from spending an entire day on your (or a stranger’s) couch feeling sorry for yourself between the trembling and the dry heaving and the silent tears.

 

Pedialyte Popsicles or Liquid

Pedialyte is everything. Pedialyte is god. Pedialyte is an oral electrolyte solution that is designed to quickly replace fluids and minerals that are lost when a child has diarrhea. Well then. We’ve bought this from Walgreen’s and CVS countless times along with thermometers and cough drops to look less like degenerates and more like decent moms. (We don’t think this makes us bad people either.) According to our good friend Wikipedia, Pedialyte has also become a hydration alternative to sports drinks for some athletes. It’s also popular with undocumented immigrants attempting to enter the United States near the US-Mexico border in order to avoid dehydration. And for our task at hand, Pedialyte has recently become a popular drink for people suffering from hangovers, with ⅓ of its sales coming from adults since 2012.

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Korean Pear Juice

OK, so, apparently the Aussies were on the hunt for hangover cures and after quite a bit of research, Australia’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization (CSIRO) landed on Korean Pear Juice. Innnteresting….They found that Korean pear juice contains anti-inflammatory agents and enzymes that are necessary for speeding up alcohol metabolism and slightly inhibiting alcohol absorption. If you consume one cup of Asian pear juice before drinking alcohol, it will lessen the effects of a hangover the next day. Worth a shot.

 

Chlorophyll and Milk Thistle

Remember chlorophyll from photosynthesis? It’s a plant pigment responsible for the absorption of light in the process of photosynthesis, which creates energy. So…naturally it will help your hangover cause um, energy, and stuff. No, but actually, chlorophyll and its synthetic version chlorophyllin promote the body’s natural elimination of potentially harmful toxins in your liver. Alcohol = liver toxin. Chlorophyll = getting liver toxins out. It’s like science class all over again, but for irresponsible adults! Milk thistle is sometimes used as a natural treatment for liver problems. You see where we’re going with this, right?

 

Pho & Jasmine Tea
Matzo Ball Soup & Ginger Ale
Miso Soup & Sprite
Chicken Soup + Negra Modelo

We’re putting all of these together because they’ve got the same premise: Salty soup and a stomach-settling drink. It all depends on your taste preference and whether or not you want to reintroduce booze to the mix.

 

Bloody Mary + Dramamine + Joint

Speaking of booze, everyone has a different take on hair of the dog. Some believe that just a touch of alcohol will help reduce the monstrous withdrawal symptoms, which is pretty much what a hangover is. Others experience the “shampoo effect” where having that second round of alcohol before the first round is out of your system gets you pretty drunk pretty fast. Your call on how you want to play all that. But both pot and dramamine (for people who suffer from motion sickness) are proven anti-nausea remedies, so that part of the equation adds up. As long as you’re not the type to get crazy-paranoid about the things you may have said the night before…

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Chocolate Milk and Sex

Yes, someone really said this on the interwebs, but it actually makes a lot of sense. Alcohol causes inflammation of the stomach lining, while milk coats your stomach, and chocolate makes regular milk slightly less disgusting. And sex, well, sex gets your blood pumping and your heart rate up, and an orgasm makes everything better—at least for a couple of minutes.

 

Sparkling Water, Salt, and Sauna

Oooooh child! Settle that stomach, re-up on the salt you lost, and then sweat those toxins OUT. While not everyone has the option to hit the sauna, everyone can boil water in a pot, and lean over said pot with a towel over their head to trap the steam. Hey, it’s the low-rent version but it still works.

 

Hot Shower, Cold Shower, Hot Shower, Cold Shower

This sounds totally miserable and it totally is, but it’s also cheap and at your disposal if you don’t have any of the ingredients above. Going from hot water to cold water and back again increases circulation and toxin elimination. Know that you’ll probably sweat out some of the toxins with the hot water, so make sure to stay hydrated before and after.

 

Coca Cola, Ibuprofin, and a Nap

Coca Cola, aka “The Black Doctor” aka “The Red Ambulance” has been lauded as a hangover cure for quite some time. The fizziness settles the stomach, the caffeine boosts your energy, and the spike of sugar gives you a short reprieve from your hellish state. Take it with an Advil to relieve the headache, and then take a snooze to let the healing begin.

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Coconut Water, Alka Seltzer, and a Smoothie

Coconut water is crazy hydrating, Alka Seltzer relieves muscle pains and protects the stomach lining from further acidic attack (thanks, alcohol), and smoothies just make you feel healthy.

 

Any hangover cures we missed? Let us know in the comments below. Cheers!

 

By

Hailing from Oakland, California and weighing in at 145 lbs, Riley Rant is Rally’s Senior Editor. She loves people and parties and all things fun, but also spends plenty of time contemplating her navel.

More articles by Riley Rant

Comments

20 Comments

  1. grease. burger and fries or even just fries (egg sandwich for some) – coats the stomach and puts something solid in there…+ BEFORE you went to bed or rather before you went to sleep (see above notes re sex) and not required that you are sleeping in a bed + advil before your eyes are even open (even better if you can go back to sleep for an additional 20min). (premium version: advil, vitamin C, and B-12 before you go to bed and the second you wake up)

  2. Without qualification, I’ve found a hard cardio workout with plenty of sweating helps flush the body of toxins and helps the body’s ability to rehydrate. Some of my friends often use the “Hollywood workout” for a hangover, hitting the sauna and/or hot tub with the same perspiration effect. The workout is no fun hungover but there’s no substitute in terms of allowing you to fully bounce back by the next day. Combine the workout with a really raw vegetable intensive salad from a Whole Foods salad bar to replenish lost nutrients (as the body use nutrient stores to process out toxins like alcohol). This combo will allow you to get a good night’s sleep and accelerate your recovery.

  3. Kudzu root powder is AMAZING at kicking a hangover’s butt. Dissolve in cold water, then bring it to a boil and let it cool down. Add some ginger powder and ume paste or the flavoring of your choice and drink. It’s miraculous.

  4. DankChickieNuggets

    Excedrin, one for a normal hangover, two if you really went over board. Works for me like a charm. Like the idea of a shot of wheat grass for the chlorophyll, that stuff works wonders across the board. Milk thistle and turmeric to care for your liver as well.

  5. Regularly drinking water the night you go drinking does amazing wonders. You might not want water or feel like drinking water while you’re drinking, but down a glass or three regularly and it’ll really help. Eating food while you drink is also a good idea. (as is having clear kinds of alcohol (like vodka or gin), which are easier on your body; and not drinking alcohol with sugar or carbonation; and waiting to feel the effects of one drink before drinking another. But take whichever of these works for you, or none — I’d say drinking water is far more important than these other factors.)
    Then make sure to stay hydrated and eat regularly the next day.
    (The point is, the most important thing is to take care of yourself while you drink (by drinking water and eating food). An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.)

  6. Paul Baker

    Hmmm, take a tip from the HBO series “Rome” (excellent!). After the c. 20 BC doc has successfully inserted a silver plate (a pounded silver dinarus coin) in the co-hero’s head (and saved his life), his buddies ask: OK, now what can we do to help him? Instead of saying “keep the wound clean” the doc says seriously, “Well, for post-op, we’ve found sacrificing a goat is very effective. Especially a brown
    and white one” All his buddies nod sagely, clearly planning to do so that very afternoon, and the surgeon makes an exit. So my suggestions: a) don’t drink so much (an inexpensive alternative, and legal), or b) sacrifice a goat (brown and whites ones seem to work best on hangovers, too). It’ll cost you more….and is probably illegal in some (most?) states. But heck—worth it, wouldn’t you say?

  7. When you wake up start off with some glasses if water then force yourself to eat something like a Bacon egg and cheese with a cold iced tea lemonade, the eggs heal all and it tastes soo good! Then follow that with some multivitamins and 2 tums for you nausea. Next take a hot bath then a cold shower after. Follow that with some taco bell(i recomend the frozen drinks and a chicken quesidilla) and then just sit in bed and watch netflix for hours while you continue to drink water

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