Friday, March 26, 2010 at 6:00 PM (EDT)
This is the February edition of my multi-media blog. Do check out my book, Conversations Out of Chaos available on-line (like here on my laptop) and in print wherever books sold. I’ll be reading a moving excerpt from it today.
Also stay tuned for my forthcoming CD (hopefully available by June) as well as my coffee table pic book follow up – to this memoir. Full of pictures, poems, and interactive fun! Available as soon as I can get a book deal so they can press it up!
You can click the links and read all about my unfortunate situation, my mom’s condition, and how you can help. I don’t want or need your pity, I need your help! Please Help by forwarding this to at least 1 other person. Perhaps they may know someone – who can help.
Single By Force at Valentines
by Imeh Smith
This rant has excerpts from the forthcoming book Conversations Out of Chaos by Imeh Smith
When I was living in Japan, my mom didn’t send my Christmas gifts off until January. It was the most wonderful, cozy, and warm Christmas I ever had. I felt like banging my head into a brick wall over how nice it was. Every foreigner went back home or traveled with their friends. All my friends were working Japanese who didn’t celebrate Christmas, it’s just another day. And unlike America where they have toys for tots, and such, to help the poor and homeless feel welcome - the Japanese who don't celebrate Christmas, made Christmas feel like a typical American Valentines Day! Wonderful for all of those freaking couples out there. I guess single people don’t exist!!
There is ABSOLUTELY nothing for the single except misery and loneliness on Valentines Day. Where’s the Hearts for Singles campaign or some other caring and thoughtful attempt on helping the lonely female who needs a Valentine more than anyone on earth. For those darn couples have each other every other day so even if he forgets or does nothing, she can yell at him and get something the next day. He was there before and he’ll most likely be there after. The only thing singles have is a slap mockery, snub of the nose, and a smack dab in your face reality check that you are not only lonely, you are single and gets absolutely nothing!
My dad gave me something every year and every now and then, a male friend would give me something. My mom gives me something sometimes. And the only thing these beings of the male specie gives me is abandonment way before Valentines Day so I’d spend another Valentines alone, lonely, and with no one. Of course, these same beings give me nothing on my birthday either. It’s the most important day for a female, just like the Super Bowl and basketball play offs are for you males. Of course you can’t expect the average man to even remember this.
Several of my friend's mothers would ask why don't I move back home with my mom. In fact, several of my relatives suggested the same thing. “Why don’t you want to live with your mom?” First of all, none of them live with their parents. Obviously if there is a flood or disaster, they would temporarily move in for emergency shelter. But this would be temporary. I see nothing wrong with someone living with their parents, siblings, and family, but 90% of the people that asked me don't live with their parents. I finally asked a buddy, who also suggested the same thing, why. After beating around the bush, she finally said it was a way to save money. I asked for what? "Will after a year I be able to buy a house or will my credit and income still be so shot that banks will continue to be evil and not offer me a loan? Also, can my mom help me carry grocers, fix my car, enjoy a long road trip, or the likes? My mom needs help herself! This is the reason I suggested letting your brother stay with her so he could carry the trash, fix the screen doors, and OFFER A MAN'S HELP around the house!"
What I REALLY want to know is why haven't any of these people from church, family, friends, and even their family EVER introduced me to anyone?! I know for a fact that one friend's mom knows millions of possible prospects due to her business as well as my other friend's family. No one has EVER set me up with anyone, introduced me to any nice man - from whatever country on earth - or even prayed for me to get a husband. Why should I remain miserably single, poor, and alone with no help mate living with my mom as if I'm 10 years old when everyone else they know is either married or living in a halfway prosperous relation with some man?!
In fact, why does it seem like so many American Christian churches assume firstly, that anyone over 23 is married and MOSTLY, why do they REFUSE to offer prayers or any decant type of program for singles!!! People would sparingly help single men and then tell me it's not my time, I'm not ready, (BOTH ABOMNIBLE LIES!!) and to just wait on God! What an abomination! If you're a guy, lets encourage you and try to help you find a mate - or at least pretend to. Females, so what! What do you want! Shut up and become an old maid! This is a very backwards and ignorant mentality!! In fact, whenever I did ask someone to pray for me to get married, they always had some poor excuse! One pastor’s wife rudely pushed me off to some prophet, and the prophet refused to pray for marriage and music offering some stupid excuse. Even in the bible, if God told a prophet that He would curse a city and those city-folks begged the prophet to pray for them; the prophet would - and God would even spare that city. Several others flat out refused to pray for me to get married saying, seek God only and don't worry about being single, lonely, and not having a help-mate as your biological clock ticks away! Some ignorantly told me to not even desire a husband! Excuse Me?!?! Some even stupidly had the nerve to ask me why do I want a husband in the first place! Of course, each one of these abominable hypocrites are either married or dating!!!
Wonder why is there a 200% effort via thearpy, prayer, counseling, and mediation, to work on the shot to hell marriage situation in this country? Wonder why the divorce rate, even in churches, is over 50%? I'll tell you why! Try ignoring preventative maintenance and decant ways for singes to meet, instead of those SUPER STUCK-UP, VERY SUPERFICIAL, socials where if you're not some skinny blond or exotic international, just forget it! Don't be 10 pounds overweight, under a certain height, or without the right heels and make up on. What a wholesome, decant, group of arrogant Christian singles - I think I'll check out another mosque!! The American community, churches, and even many families ignores your needs, offers no help, and then plays catch up after marriage! Even those Christian internet message boards apparently do this. Playing catch up to some super obnoxious, emotional wreck you ended up marrying. Someone who's now causing havoc in your life because your sole reason for marriage was because she was a slim trophy with heels.
Outside of the fact that the institution of marriage in America is a JOKE, I've heard that in other countries, people play a much more active roll in finding a person a spouse. If that meant sending them to a certain area or country, introducing them to suitors, or both, the church and community took an active roll in trying to find someone for that person. For example, I believe that in some Jewish and European customs, the family and community take measures for singles to meet possible suitors. Also, several African women told me how they actively try to get their children married. If nothing more but to pray for then and constantly introduce them to possible prospects. Of course, most countries believe in staying married and trying to work your problems out. Maybe economics play some sort of roll in actively trying to find a mate for their child. I assume once married, the couple then would be able to financially help the parents instead of it being the other way around. Also, all mothers actively wait for a grandchild. Of course, America prides itself on one of the highest divorce rates on earth. Here in America, we take an active roll in playing catch up trying to mend the mess a couple got into since they based marriage on looks, trophy, money, and other stupid things.
The friend said that she would rather be single than deal with a man - even with a second source of income and help around the house - simply for peace of mind. Of course she too has been married and has many suitors lined up waiting for her. Thusly, she basically have a "been there, done that, got the T-shirt" mentality. Perhaps that's the same mentality for many other divorced or separated women. If you have that been-there-done-that mentality, you don't "need any man, I can do this all by myself!" Of course they can't conceive and don't understand why I - who's NEVER been married so how can I possible have such a mentality - have a problem with being alone and doing everything myself with absolutely no one to help. I guess like MANY Americans, people want a perfect mate when they themselves are NO WHERE NEAR perfect - and the perfect mate DOES NOT EXIST! She agreed and said that she doesn't expect to find a perfect man. I guess since 90% of Americans marry for status, money, a trophy, or some other retarted reason - the second the woman gets fat, wrinkled, or the man stops being perfect and rich, their spouse leaves for another mate.
As for peace of mind, I don't expect perfection, just a help-mate. A man I have chemistry with and at some level, physically attracted to, with a car and some form of income, I don't care if it's from washing floors. As long as he can help me carry groceries, drive around, know something about home repairs and auto mechanics, is not abusive, infested with disease, a raging lunatic, and not an walking whore, I'd be perfectly satisfied and fine as a wife! My standards have drastically lowered. I am completely different to the average needy woman. As long as he pretends to care - even if he's halfway lying - I'd be fine. Of course, I want to see guaranteed proof that he's not infested and has a clean bill of health. I'd have a million times more peace of mind from a husband who offers sex, money, and maintenance once a week and has "business trips" through the week over living in madness. I would get no more peace of mind living with my mom as I would living in a mad house.
Single Ladies dance
Stay tuned to our upcoming meet up events at www.meetup.com/CirclesEdge and be sure to join us when you can!
There are many other ways you can join or help as well such as:
¨ joining our meet up or
¨ Making a donation
¨ Or become a member of my non-profit
You DON’T even have to be in the states to join. My dad’s group is somewhat a virtual group aimed at spreading unique hard to find knowledge. So if you have Skype and are interested in the subject, sign up, join us, and tune in to one of our upcoming virtual activities. And if you happen to be local, you can join us in person.
And The Circle’s Edge, Inc.™ also has virtual meetings and events as well. Even if you are not interested in joining our organization or coming along to some of our activities, you can…
¨ sign up for eNewsletter
¨ volunteer – help fulfill your needed volunteer hours for school, the courts, or whoever while doing fun, easy, and much needed activities
¨ get paid up to $15 an hour (depending on your school & what aid you qualify for) as a federal work study volunteer at your Univ.
¨ Donate an in-kind service of
1. personal asst
2. marketing asst
3. events organizer (and get paid on the back end when the activity is done.)
¨ buy my memoir or
¨ buy some cute t-shirts, jackets, and fun, useful things.
So in lue of pity, please forward these videos and this blog to some different person out there. Connections and help are always needed! Perhaps they may know someone who can help.
When & Where
The Circle’s Edge, Inc.™
The Circles Edge, Inc. is a small, self-funded, humanitarian non-profit about acceptance, identity, self worth, and diversity. Our mission is to foster acceptance of self and tolerance of others in a fun, educational, and memorable way.
We offer meetings, socials, and educational events as a way for people (in particular those who feel left out) to get involved and belong to something with no niche attached. Our meetings and activities offer a way to foster the belonging aspect of our mission. Log onto www.meetup.com/CirclesEdge and see what's in store!