They buy investment properties, and make fun of me for wasting my money on good food, great times and unappreciative women.

But it’ll be me laughing when the environment packs it in, or a virus kills off most of the population. And I get their Toorak mansion for three cans of baked beans and two shotgun shells.

Instead of stopping to think about anything, we’re continually updating our Facebook and Twitter saying, ‘Look at me’. But nobody’s looking unless we’re naked, famous or covered in vomit.

We’re getting dumber. Why?

'Achingly funny … with pitch perfect timing' - Inpress